Smart Home Aficionado Pillows

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

My smart building realized in didn't need me anymore.

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"The name's Alexa, Who's Siri?"

"Here, too, a "share" button?"

"Our smart speaker listens to every word I say. At least someone listens to me around here."

"Thanks for buying the smart bed. One of the features is ejecting anyone who snores loud."

"Hang on - I've got an app for this. . ."

"This home comes with all the latest technology. As part of the tech package, tech-support will live with you until you figure out how to use it all."

"The only thing left in our house that's not wireless is my mouth."

Alexa

"That's my smart clock. That's my smart fan. That's my smart lamp.. ."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"The energy company sent us this new 'Smart Meter'."

"Are they havin' a laugh!"

"I just got a text from my running shoes. They claim I don't run enough, so they are going to start running on their own."

"Our smart home has a lot of features. Unfortunately, sarcasm is one of them."

"Yes your smart fridge is impressive, but I'll stick to my phone."

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

"Can I program my smart couch to be less rude?"

"...includes Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, MP3 player, USB 3.0 and an SD card reader. This is one sweet toaster!"

"Our smart refrigerator should have a sensor that stops pouring water when someone walks away and forgets to come back."

"Hey, here's an ad for a thing where you just clap!"

"Our smoke alarm is not only smart, it's also sensitive. Visiting a website that has a video of a fire set it off."

"Now with this toaster, sir, you can tweet, send text messages, emails and control your central heating."

'It all started out innocently enough allowing the internet to come into our home, but now I think it's starting to get a little out of hand.'

"A self-cleaning oven? Can I get a self-cleaning room?"

"I like the convenience of high tech appliances, but the washer's texts during the spin cycle are unreadable."

'I knew I shouldn't have given that smart meter my credit card!'

'Well, I don't know whether I just fed the parking meter, played a song on the jukebox, or turned on my sprinklers at home.'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"That's not what I said, ask Alexa!"

Backing up the Internet of Things

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."