Small Talk Comedian T-Shirts

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I tested very high in playing."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"But I haven't finished explaining about dollar-cost-averaging." "Sorry, I didn't register for this course."

Silly News.

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

"I'll tell you what ... you mingle, I'm going to monopolize a conversation."

He took every chance to practice his talk.

'I once met the tweeter for a famous novelist, but never anyone who tweeted for an organic, patented plum.'

"It looked like a really powerful presentation when I did it at 3 o'clock this morning!"

"I grew up in St Louis and went to school in New Jersey and have been in Brooklyn ever-since, but sure, I guess technically I'm 'from' the Black Lagoon."

"Jim is a good old-fashioned modernist."

'With me and Dave it was definitely love at first sight. How about you two?'

Hi. How's it goin'? Good, you? 'Sup. Hey. Hello. The Primordial Schmooze.

"Lovely weather for it."

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

"Be patient with Ed. You can skip his political harangue in 15 seconds and move right onto sports."