Small Business Philosophers T-Shirts

A planet like ours - desert piano tuner.

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

Genius

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

Worked Well In Groups...

'I say, let's not be hasty in enforcing the mandatory retirement age.'

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"Leadership is about more than delegating all of your work."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

'They say money can't buy happiness. Find out what can.'

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

"I'm not asking for a raise. All I'm asking for is a little warmth and human understanding."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

Primordial Schmooze

"No, no - I'm just looking for a balance of power that corrupts in moderation."