Slimming-struggler Gifts

On her doctor's order, Wanda watches how she eats.

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Spanx Tells Me No

"I can’t even find the motivation to quit my gym membership."

'You know that thin person inside you, struggling to get out? -- He seems to have gained weight, too.'

"Nice try Mrs Wimslow"

“I’m not out of shape — I’m just not used to running so much.”

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'I can never do anything with my hair phobia.'

Healthy Eating Fast

"Ed was at that awkward in between stage of letting his hair grow out." "C'mon. C'mon. C'mon..."

'I'm sorry, we can't give you a surgically inserted gastric band, as it appears you already have two!'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

"How's the diet going?"

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

A fridge surrounded by books.

"Darn, I've done it again!"

All Snack Foods 1/2 Off. Every time I try to fight temptation, temptation fights dirty! (Published originally on Feb. 6 2015).

"Read my weight NOW!...NOW!"

I gain weight every fall and then lose it in the spring. I have a seasonally adjusted figure.

"Don't look left or right!"

Slimming World

Sebastian and his thighs usually disagree when it comes to buying new clothes.

Diet Foods: Bread and Water

National Slimming Championships.

"How's your diet going?"

Why George finds it hard to lose weight.

'Gee! Your diet's beginning to work!'

'He sprained his wrist inserting the exercise DVD.'

Weight Loss Clinic: 'We help those who help themselves over and over and over again.'

'My trick for looking slimmer is to only have friends who are fatter than me - not you, of course...'

"Those ankle weights will help you lose weight. They're so heavy you won't be able to walk to the kitchen."