Sleeping Rituals Pillows

'Will you sorry excuse for Vikings shut up and go to sleep?!'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Don't pretend you're sleeping."

Alarmistclock

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

Bedtime story.

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

Father nursing his sick child

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"This is all I have time for now, dear...the knight slays the dragon and marries the princess. For more detail go to www.fairytale.net."

"I'm taking you off sleeping pills and putting you on Proust."

'Couldn't he just lie at the foot of the bed like other dogs?'

"I love wearing a sleeper. It's like I can walk around tucked in."

"Hello moon, the sun sends his regards."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"Are you regular?" "Every morning at 6AM." "That's good." "But I don't wake up until 7."

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

Father reading a bedtime story to his daughter.

'All right. I'll get forty winks, but not one wink more.'