Sleep Deprivation Master Gifts

"I'm so good at this!"

Cry babies.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

Man has a dream about a clumsy sheep.

Center For Sleep Deprivation

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

Doctor with Teddy - "Take this. It will help you sleep."

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

"I slept funny!"

For workers who are in need of a discreet spot to catch some Z's comes Napquest.

'I want you to try an alternate cure for your insomnia-start watching daytime television.'

'These hibernation pills ought to do the trick.'

I suppose you'd like to know why I summoned you here at 3am, minion. Not really. My studies show there's a 0.0067% uptick in coffee sales when you appear sleepier than the patrons. Come again? My theory is that's because seeing you falling asleep on your feet subconsciously makes customers feel like they need more caffeine ... From now on, you're only to sleep three non-consecutive hours per day. Very bad mazzzzz ...

Sleep Clinic. ZZZZZZ. We can tell a lot about somebody's sleep by the sounds they make. This subject is experiencing normal, restful sleep. YYYYYY. He's having fitful sleep because his girlfriend dumped him. MMMMMM. It looks a lot like he's having a dream about a delicious meal. BBBBBB. This gardener is having a nightmare about disturbing a hive. And what's happening here? I think he's look forward to "talk like a pirate day"! RRRRRR.

'How can you sleep at night?'

'A cure for insomnia is a good night's sleep.'

Sleep Disorder Research.

'I think I'm having an out-of-body experience.'

'Six months ought to be enough sleep for anyone.'

This thing on my neck is keeping me awake at night.

'The teddy bear and blankie are the only sleep aids the doctor had that aren't addictive.'

Narcolepsy in relationships.

"We've got just the thing for someone your age...all our mattresses are made with memory foam."

Number of times your kids will wake in the night/Amount you have to do tomorrow

'We're making progress on my insomnia. My foot went to sleep last night.'

Insomniacs Anonymous - No Snoring

'What did you say? You suggested me to COUNT sheep to fall asleep? I thought you told me to EAT sheep...'

'Sounds to me like you're not getting enough REM sleep.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"I won't be in the office today, my apathy is acting up again."

'I think you went trampling in your sleep again.'

Circadian rhythms adjusted.

"Just a warning about these sleeping tablets. They may cause drowsiness."