Sleep Conqueror Pillows

"Can I get a wake-up call for 6 a.m., and then a dire warning at 7:15?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

Contented man and cat sleeping

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

'Don't worry about it Dear: You know Daddy gets grumpy if he doesn't get his daily eighteen hours of sleep...'

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

"You were snoring."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"What's with your hair?"

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.