Sleep Conqueror Pillows

"Can I get a wake-up call for 6 a.m., and then a dire warning at 7:15?"

Occu-Pie Mars

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

The Snooze Bar.

"Well, if you're still awake when the time changes, you'll lose an hour of overthinking everything, too."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Contented man and cat sleeping

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'I'm a perfect little angel while I'm asleep. It's being awake that causes me trouble.'

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

'Don't worry about it Dear: You know Daddy gets grumpy if he doesn't get his daily eighteen hours of sleep...'

'Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!'

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

"What's with your hair?"

"You were snoring."

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

There's a VERY SIMPLE EXPLANATION. I snore like an alarm clock and my wife mistook my nose for the snooze button.