Skybound Storyteller Pillows

"… and when the captain said, 'everyone turn off their cell phones', what did you do?"

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Someone must love someone very much indeed."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

How I met your mother

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"'Let's try the shrink ray!' you said, 'what could possibly go wrong?', you said."

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

An amplified harp

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'They wanna know how many we seen tonight. How many you seen, Roy?' 'Well, here's quite a few tonight, Carl.'

'NASA is never going to believe this!'

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

Pentagon Science Contest: 'It's already an intergalactic spaceship that was sent here over a million years ago.'

Hog Futures

Centaur falls in love.

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Skywriter's Block

"It's just thrived since I let it have Harry!"

Robot Beggar