Skincare Secrets Pillows

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"Too much concealer?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

PROBLEM AREAS

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Pop Culture for Teens

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

New Twenty Blades

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

Desert Dermatologist

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'You do Botox?'

'You've got dry scalp.'

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

"More concealer?"