Skincare Expert Pillows

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

"Too much concealer?"

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

PROBLEM AREAS

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

Pop Culture for Teens

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

'You need to do something about your dry skin.'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."

New Twenty Blades

Desert Dermatologist

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

'You do Botox?'

"Another barnacle?!" "I was a teenage creature."

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

'You've got dry scalp.'

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'Do something, Alan...he's been playing in the mud again!'

"More concealer?"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."