Skincare Realist Gifts

'I don't think of my skin as saggy...I think of it as relaxed-fit!'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Did you check the SPF, dear?"

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

Desert Dermatologist

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

Fast Food Dieter

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"A Leading cosmetics company believes our drilling mud would ake an excellent skincare product."

"How come your skin is sooooo smooth?"

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"Believe me, you never looked better since you fell into that vast of skin cream."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Which one of these things is the soap?"

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

'No, it's not a special on the Grand Canyon. It's an actor's face in high definition.'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Mildred....is that you?'

Dating is so expensive...

Tanning salons to avoid. . .

'These facial wraps work great on dead skin.'

Mooseturizer: Tired of those annoying Dry and Chafed antlers?

'My doctor told me these new Botox injections could be harmful.'

Beauty Products - for women, and for men (exactly the same, but with turbo added).