Skin Oracle Gifts

"Why don't you see a good dermatologist?"

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

PROBLEM AREAS

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

Dermatologist reading a 'Journal of Itchcraft'.

The Authentic Christmas.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

"Stop your whining: as a teenage toad, I had to deal not only with acne, but with warts too..."

Hipster Police Department

"After practicing dermatology every day, maybe you should try branching out from those warts-and-all biographies."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

'Have you ever noticed how much your mole looks like a check engine light?'

I told you way back in 2015 that Donald Trump would be the next president. You called it. You predicted every twist and turn of the election. It was eerie. What's going to happen next, Randy? What's going to happen to us all? Trump will fund research where they use my DNA to make everyone super hot and super chill, and we'll all live in sweet, sexy bliss. HOJ. I'm not sure whether I predicted the future, or whether the future obeyed me. So that one's just in case. Good thinking.

"No really, I'm a toad too! I found a great dermatologist who treated my warts..."

They call me the Groundhog of Love. Romantically speaking, I can bring you an early spring. But if you see my shadow, you can expect six weeks of stalking.

"Why do you want to invest in oil futures?"

'I've run out of space. Could you tattoo my body in flesh tones and start over?'

MD-HDTV

"I don't know who my audience is."

"Let's face it, you've reached peak tattoo."

"Why'd I get into this business? Revenge."

"Man, I worked hard on those tattoos."

Right to bare arms

'Chelsea will win the premiership! Is that it?'

A belch of boils