Six-month Dental Check-up Pillows

'That should do it. We'll see you in six months for your next cleaning.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Flu vaccine.

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"The cape comes off too."

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"So what brings you in today?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

"No, we haven't started yet. My hand was cold."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'