Six-month Dental Check-up Pillows

'That should do it. We'll see you in six months for your next cleaning.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Well, well, well...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Flu vaccine.

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

"So what brings you in today?"

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'But I think shopping three times a week is more than enough exercise!'

"Take up some light exercise or a sporting activity - as a football perhaps."

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."

"Your EKG corresponds with the stock market report."

"Good for you for getting your mammogram."

"I have your lab test results. Cut back on your vitamins. You have the healthiest urine I have ever seen."

'You're not totally out of shape - you have a very muscular tongue.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."