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Lonely Hearts - Men seeking anything that stays still long enough.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'He's not so much a rough diamond, more a dumb block of carbon.'

Mine Shaft of Love.

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

'Your place or mine? Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine!'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Wet wipe?"

Cyber Fight

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"Ironically, this all started with a little poke on Facebook."

...In a Relationship

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Merely dating" "Lover's leap" "Undecided? Take a hike"

Bumper Cars of Love.