Single Life Celebration Pillows

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"Cheers to being a person."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

Speed Dating Disasters

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"It's over!"

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

"Cute... But way too young."

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Closing Laugh Singles Bar

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'

Happy Hour

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."