Single Life Appreciation Pillows

"Fred and Sarah, Helen and Joe, Carol and Andy, this is Marcia and nobody."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Yes, I'm alone."

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

"Alright! Fine! ONE man is an island!"

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"Do you know what girls want?"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Are you seeing anybody?'

"I hope I'm single for Valentine's because only I fully know my worth in chocolate."

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

"Cute... But way too young."

Bachelors talking about fashionable life versus marriage

Happy Hour

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

'I live with grand fantasies Harold.'

"Day 973: Still no sign of Mister Right..."

Dating site algorithms never die, they just get re-formulated

"Oh, god. . . not another night at home watching Ingmar Bergman films!"

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'Get lost. Can't you see I'm with someone?'