Singing Executive Pillows

"Let me do all the singing."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

'Hang on a minute...'

"I'm trying to write a drinking song, but I can't get past the first couple of bars."

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

"We started losing money right around the time we decided to just lazily remake old movies with the race or gender of the main character switched from the original." "We're burning through cash and we urgently need to course correct and try something different." "So we're going to make fresh stories with new and interesting characters?" "What?" "No."

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

Hollywood Think Tank

"California has always been too big for its britches."

"I just sold my entire back catalogue of songs for $185 million."

'A series based on made-up stories with actors following scripts? Preposterous.'

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

'The music business.'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

Godzilla vs. The Angry Movie Executives

'Your album is now the number one donation to charity shops.'

Rescuing the Music Industry.

Note to viewers: We've cut back on sexual content by replacing it with violence.

"Sopranos", "Tenors", "Basses"

Michael Grade is right...ITV needs more real writers which is why we want you to commission 'celebrity novelists get me out of here'.