Sin-savvy Observers Pillows

"But attendance is up."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

No, those were not my last words! I told you you never listened.

"The Devil's Advocate." Press Room. At last, Ernie, the first edition of our newspaper is ready to go! Did we cover all seven deadly sins? I think so ... We've got greed in the business section, sloth in the leisure section, gluttony in the restaurant reviews and lust in the movie reviews. How about envy and pride? Envy in the gossip column, pride in birth announcements. Okay, but how about wrath? Hey, the opinion section is full of it!

The Manipulation of Justice

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

This looks unusual, but these things have a mind of their own.

'Greed, wrath, envy and pride closed higher today, while lust, sloth and gluttony showed losses.'

'What part of 'nature' do you not get?'

"I just reviewed your life...Here's your handbasket."

"You should do a sermon on the dangers of stupidity."

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'

"Once a sinner, always a sinner!"

"They're all down there sentenced to an an eternity of fornication, licentiousness and intoxication."

"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"

'I know I just met you, but I already hate you. It saves time.'

"My comfort zone is some distance away from the brink but close enough to see competitors go over it."

'Yes, we;re a value-orientated investment fund.'

"At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we shall remember them."

Satan's desk boxes say mortal and venial.

'He decided he'd rather represent gluttony.'

Trolling on social media

"I died in Buffalo."

"It was much nicer before people started storing all their personal information in the cloud."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

'So, you didn't get to die with dignity. Who does? I choked to death on a bag of marshmallows, while sitting in a bathtub full of hot chocolate.'

"AA-ARGH!"

Notice in Heaven: 'Please switch off mobiles.'

'You realise this isn't a sure thing? You're up here on a one-hundred billion year trial.'