Silver Spooner Pillows

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I don't know who you are!"

Kiss the Commander in Chef

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Mom said Dad pulled a groin surfing Mendocino. When will he realize he's not 60 anymore?"

"Lumpy? Of course it's lumpy! Sweetbread soup is meant to be lumpy."

International Monetary Conference in Paris- Silver Currency an Unsound Footing

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"How do I know if it's fresh?... You asked for 'the soup of the day'. You didn't specify what day."

'When you've finished the washing up and you're certain you've cleaned absolutely everything... you'll always find another teaspoon.'

"While you're at it, can you do something with him? He can't remember a thing!"

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"A foot bath after a long hard day at work is really nice!"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. I'll have the beef and tomato consomme from Santiago. Coming up one chilly Chile Chili!

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

Holiday Overkill.

Yuri Geller as a 7 year old.

Life Extension Journal.

I can be upgraded, can you?

Wife doing Internet banking & Online shopping, saying 'Darling, I'm just collecting my pension. Is there anything we need from the shops?'

"That's just the meds kicking in."

"Here's Bill now. I'm not sure where he's been, but I'm guessing it was the Sour Beer Festival."

Screenior citizen

'As a gastroenterologist, what would you take for this soup?'

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

I always wanted a pony. I guess this is as close as I'll ever get. "Waiter, there's a pony in my soup"? It would never work.

'I'll teach that social security computer a few things!'

"Look, Honey! No teeth!"

Gardening for Beginners

Somehow, she knew she'd fooled nobody.