Silver Service Aficionado Pillows

"That's right, sir, you did book a table for four but you didn't say anything about chairs."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'The customer is always right...'

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

Sign on Secret Service door: Could be out to lunch.

You're certain you've had plenty of experience serving in a fine dining restaurant?

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

Antique silver

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

"Thanks for waiting."

"Here's a juicy bit of gossip for you!"

Antiques roadshow: 'Yes it's definitely Silver'

Boy cleaning servant's shoes

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"To increase attendance, I've decided to make every Sunday Easter Sunday."

'We'll rotate them for free but you have to pay if you want 'em balanced.'

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

Maid.

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

A midwife and a waiter pass through a set of double doors.

'Put it back. This isn't a 'Take a Penny, Leave a Penny' dish.'

"How can I tell him we're only EPNS?"

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

Bar Bar

Trust the critics. They know best what makes a good movie.

'I told you the waiter would remember you gave him a 2 cent tip the last time.'

Butler and Page Boy

A waiter carrying a tray of drinks

"Find my items... scan my items... pay for my items... bag my items..."

"Yes Mr Wilkins, we do provide a comprehensive 24 hours service but I'm afraid that doesn't include a cashpoint facility."

"I'm glad you were satisfied with the service but please don't tell people or everyone will expect it."