Silver Jokester Pillows

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"Let's work on opening up that fourth chakra."

'Is it plugged in, or isn't it? There's only one way to find out!'

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

"An olive or a twist?"

Politics Books

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

Summer Reading

"And a parsley in a pear treeeee."

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'