Silver Jokester Pillows

Indentured Birthday Cake

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Snowman and stickmen losing arms

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Throwing snowballs: Ow! That one had a potato inside!

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'I think I see why you're progressing slowly in music.'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Tender and Juicy.'

'You sound like a bunch of cats! The growl has to be deeper and the barks crisper. Okay, let's take it again from the first howl.'

"Let's work on opening up that fourth chakra."

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

'Is it plugged in, or isn't it? There's only one way to find out!'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

Summer Reading

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"Wanna join my hangouts circle?"

"An olive or a twist?"

"That movie was released in 2015. It might be time for a reboot."

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

Politics Books

"The DVD you want is on my right earlobe."