Silly Sales Strategist T-Shirts

'CROOOAX! If we ever want to sell this damned parrot, we better not anybody what he has done to his previous owners... CROOOAX! If we ever want...'

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Gerald Ratner's return

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

Entertainment systems

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

Yo-Yo Sales

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"Give a man a fish, you cut your throat. Teach a man to fish, you're a damn fool."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'And it was at this point we decided to try to put the toothpaste back in the tube.'