Significant Weight Change Pillows

'Some settling of contents may have occurred over the past 15 years.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"