Sign Humorists Pillows

Here but not in...

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

"Here we are."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Alien embryo growing in earth.

The First Fire Stick

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"He looks just like your husband."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Neversource"

Climbing with the baby

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

'To talk to men at their own level you have to talk a load of balls.'