Side Effect Philosopher Pillows

'THis probably won't work, but we do have medications that will take care of the side effects.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"They're very time-sensitive."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mall of ages

Grass: We lost some good men today!

Balding Autumn Tree.

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

Dept. de Philosophie

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

Standup Pharmacist

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

A long way towards retirement...

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

Poet and Peasant

"Apparently, 60 is the new dead."

"The senior moments don't freak me out as much as the 'Death in Venice' moments."

How does she get her grass so green?

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

'Hasn't anyone ever been cured of natural causes?'

'For some reason the coach never puts me in.'

Grim Reaper Santa

"He's all red, white and blue - vitamins, aspirin and Viagra."