Side Effect Philosopher Pillows

'THis probably won't work, but we do have medications that will take care of the side effects.'

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"They're very time-sensitive."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Grass: We lost some good men today!

Mall of ages

Balding Autumn Tree.

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

Dept. de Philosophie

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

'Well, you know what the say...near death is the new 80.'

"I hope I age as well as you, Dad. Except for the neck."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

Glass/Cans/Geriatrics.

"Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for you."

Standup Pharmacist

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

How does she get her grass so green?

Poet and Peasant

"The senior moments don't freak me out as much as the 'Death in Venice' moments."

"Apparently, 60 is the new dead."

A long way towards retirement...

'Edward turned on the bathroom light only to find his father staring back at him.'

'...and so I say without fear of contradiction...'

'Hasn't anyone ever been cured of natural causes?'

Grim Reaper Santa

"The government believes that the benefit system is out of hand!"

'An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. . .'

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."