Side Effect Skeptic Pillows

"I have these pills to relieve hayfever but the side effects are watery eyes, a runny nose and sneezing."

'Side effects'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Pharmacy - "And these blue ones are for the stomach cramps the red ones are going to give you."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

Standup Pharmacist

"We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious."

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"That new drug causes flatulence."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"We may have found the vaccine but it's fattening."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"I totally meant to do that."

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'Well, Dear, the doctor did say there could be side effects to those pills!'