Side Dish Strategist T-Shirts

"Please remember to baste me. I want a crisp skin, but not burnt! Place me between the mashed potatoes and stuffing. Save my bones and neck for soup. . ."

Chez Nous Menu

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

To do before Saturday...

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

Jeff's Smorgasbord

'I suppose you realize that when I tell everyone back at the office about this you wont be able to tele-commute anymore.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

'This is a business lunch, Lowden. So, don't even think about enjoying yourself.'

Mayo-A-Mayo

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'Can we move the beef jerky a smidge and display our organic cleanser?'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'She's on the rotation diet. Every time I turn around she's eating something.'

"Guac-A-Mole"

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''