Side Dish Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"I'll be the best side dish ever."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Like death by salad.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"This is our soft opening."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"But if you leave New Orleans, you'll be just another sandwich."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Wow-free sky hoagies!"

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'

"We make substitutions within reason, Madame. We can give you courgettes instead of the aubergine, but we cannot provide Jean-Louis Trintignant in place of your husband."

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"You and your daft inventions."