Sibling Negotiator Pillows

Kid to sister after breaking vase: 'Please don't tell on me. And if you do, don't tell that I told you not to tell on me.'

'Can you give me a younger brother? I'm ready to delegate the responsibilities of my chores.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

"Just sign it, or I'll post YOUR old report cards on social media."

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

'Baby sand shark eat their siblings.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'Um...Excuuuse me?! Apparently you've forgotten the household peacekeeping policy.'

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"

'I told my Mom either the sitter goes, or I go!'

Pterodactyl Pteenagers.

'Uh, Molly...Who's your little friend?'

"Come on dad, there's no need to go all 'Successiony' on me."

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

'How do you figure?'

"No, I'm not here for your little sister."

'He's bitten me for the last time!'

Surface Tension

'She won't budge on the allowance, but she did present me an 800 page handbook detailing the perks.'

"It's hard to believe the adults think he's so lovable!"

'I don't care whether you think it's an affront to your 'Human Rights', I still want you to go to the naughty corner!'

"You already have one of each. With whom are you dissatisfied?"

'He can have custody of the kids as long as I have access to his bank account at weekends.'

"What would it take for Grandma to get a hug?"

'I have reason to believe that my sister is getting a bigger allowance than me. I think you and mom should be more forthcoming and transparent.'