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Shows at 6 am and 6 pm daily.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Television Readers.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

Meet Me Outside St. Louis

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

We saw this episode of Grey's Anatony, I recognize the symptoms.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

7 Dwarves of Retirement

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'Don't let him pick the wine. He thinks Dom Perignon was someone who got knocked off on the Sopranos.'

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

Tunnel of TV

Coming up: Bush and Kerry will debate on 'saturday night live'...and whoever gets the most laughs will be the winner.'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

Homo Zapiens

"If you're such a great Doctor, how come you're not on Chicargo hope or ER?"

"If I were you, I wouldn't change the channel!"

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Woman and TV.

'You should know better than to switch channels during a Garfield special.'

Presenter Auditions.

'Have you any idea just how little this is worth?'

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'