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Piers Morgan says what we're all thinking.

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Cat Nip.

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Backfire

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

"Bloody hell!"

Cheeze Wiz.

'He does lack social skills.'

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The Golfing Accident

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Is there a vegan option?"

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"Halloween is the perfect time to land on Earth. Nobody will notice us and we can get free candy."

Cat Hecklers

"Beware of the frog"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"And would you like flies with that?"

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

Wedding disaster #27.

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.