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Sign reading: Barrell Scraper - Ideal for finding new TV cookery show ideas

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

You are what you eat (Nuts).

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

People who steal food out of the fridge at work and then say...

"My lord, Sir Arthur is pleased to bid thee welcome to his food court."

Bagel problems.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

The Emeril Isle