Shopper's Dilemma Fan Pillows

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

"Waiter - there's no fly in my soup!"

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

Hole Sale

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

Road Guilt

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'

Self Checkout

"I'm still trying to get used to ordering food online."

Little Miss Muffet in Store.

"Just browsing."

Oranges

"Hold it, lady. You're not gonna use me on pizza, are you?"

Market. Last night I spilled broth on my store discount clipping for mustard. There's soup on your Poupon coupon!

"Bag for life?"

'This could be a new record!'

Produce. Corn on the cob. Corn on the lam.

'Never misplace a remote control again with this RemoteT-shirt, velcro combo!'

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

Dog at the Returns Desk

"We're closed!"

Cran-Apple. Cran-Grape. Cran-Raspberry. Cran-Cran.

"I'm sorry for doubting you. I guess I can shop by myself."

'John's in charge of advising us on ethical matters, but to be honest, I've never had much confidence in him!'

Greetings cards

'Mom, did you get me at a store or was I a 'As Seen On TV' purchase?'

Seriously silly snakes, going to a glove sale.