Shopper-in-chief Gifts

'This weather's really getting me down, Hen.'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Everything's gone up."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

Changing Room Decisions

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'I've got it written down...'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'But what do you sell?'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

Fashion Mistake.

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'