Shop Smart Strategist T-Shirts

A butcher's counter is divided between 'delicious,' 'not bad' and 'edible.'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'I've got it written down...'

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

Artificial Isle

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'But what do you sell?'

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'When it comes to shopping, not only does the buck stop here, but so do the fives, tens, twenties, fifties and hundreds.'

'Why pay the airline $7.00 for a beer, when I can get a drone to deliver 6 for the same price?'

'I'd add 'UK' to your name and do it in big red letters...that'll be £15,000.'

"Companies know too much about us, listen...'You've earned 500 points and it's time you got back in touch with your cousin Emma'!"

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'