Shop Employee Pillows

"Stay away from the piranha tank."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Cut Price

"This is daring, but I like it."

Sale on Bathing Suits, One Size Fits None.

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

Penguin suit fitting.

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

How would Madam like to pay?

"At first I thought I'd hate it, but now I have to have it."

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

We stock ALL sizes...

'I assure you madam, that the uglification factor of this mirror is no greater than the nationally accepted one-to-one standard.'

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'You've agreed to work Sundays, haven't you!'

Auto Mechanic Birthdays

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Sale on Three Piece Suits, $10, 300 Polyester.

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

How much would you take off for cash?

'I'm a football referee - I'll have a box of red and a box of yellow.'

This Saturday 10:30 Confessions of a Window Cleaner, Doctor, Nurse, Policeman, Shop Worker, Lollipop Lady, Butcher, Baker, Housewife, Schoolboy...

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Shop assistant hands over 'eco' shopping bag, saying: 'Would you like a bag for that?'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

Checkout for $385.00 or more.

'And it comes with an accompanying dictionary.'

'You'll find that these really let your feet breathe'

Sold It All.

All Major Cash Honored.