Shaving Sage Pillows

Business man sees himself as a shark

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Joust Sharpener

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Fumes from furniture

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

'Stop gritting your teeth!'

"You know how I feel about sampling!"

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

'No, we can never actually see the big cartoonist, but he's everywhere.'

"It's still in beta."

"Hey... Where'd everybody go?"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

"It's not real meditation when you SMIRK like that!"

Early emojis

hand sanitizer and hand santa-tizer

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

"It's practically impossible to heat this damned place."

'I don't get it. How can you say Leno is better than Letterman?'

'I buy my cigars at Ikea!'

Ars longa, vita brevis (Art is long, life is short).

Young boy talking about shaving

'Please wash the windows and the ring out of the shower.'

Holiday on Thin Ice

A new partner is sworn in.

"I'm here for my 10,000 cigarette check up!"

"O, that we could harness this wisdom."

Wash your hands

"Do not chase the tail, for the tail is already yours."

"Ambitions... To have a bad hair day."

You got any biscuits? I like 'em with gravy. You smoke? Isn't that taboo? Mind your beeswax. Beeswax? Didn't that catchphrase go out years ago? I feel like Michael Douglas. Who? Actor. Can't go in public without being recognized. Can't live up to my rep, see. The herald's stuck in the past?!

'Just cut it fiveways,please - He'll never manage to eat eight slices!'

"Gemini. You?"