Sharp Sighted Humorist Pillows

"Eagle Eye" Eddie would often ace his eye exams from the waiting room.

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

The opera - 'Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you ain;t a-goin' in again.'

Large print e-book.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Gustav Holst

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

I'll admit I haven't been waiting all my life to meet you, but I have waited through a rough pencil sketch, the inking process and Photoshop lettering. Surely that's worth something! !?!

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

'You say you're having trouble seeing into the future'

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

Medusa's baby picture

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

'How much are your upside-down cakes? 99p.'

I think I need new glasses. I swear I just saw a tiny man jump off your bridge.