Shaman Gifts

"In retrospect, the idea of a rain dance marathon wasn't such a good idea."

The tribe was soon decimated because their Shaman was a quack.

'Gee, Doc; why the long face?'

'We told you, Dances With Leprechauns, this is a rain dance, not a river dance!'

International Doctors' Mission.

'I'm beginning to question the hospital's doctor exchange policy.'

Alternative Medicine

'It hurts when I cackle!'

'And just where did you study medicine?'

Traditional and Alternative Medicine

'I can cure you, but you'll have to file your own health insurance forms.'

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

'NOW what do we do? His score was in the top ten percent!'

'The Irish stew was off! Little bugger must have been bad!'

'I keep forgetting... is it 'Starve a fever and feed a cold' or 'feed a fever and starve a cold'?'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

'I don't like the mediciney taste of this mouthwash either. I hate that taste of eyes of newt and turtle brains first thing in the morning.'

"I'm dancing, resting, dancing and resting because it's an intermittent rain dance!"

"I'm all for appeasing the gods...but you of all people should know I'm no virgin!"

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

"The gods have 'had it up to here' with goats, and wondered if we could sacrifice some pizza."

"Two sacrificial virgins and call me in the morning."

"Due to an unexpected layover on the journey up here, we regretfully inform the gods, that due to a technicality, they'll need to find another virgin."

"Virgin?! My bad. . . I thought you asked for a vegan."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

"There is a man at the door who needs seventeen dollars to buy some sweet grass to burn as a spiritual cleansing agent during his prayer ceremonies."

You may get emotional over the evil spirits being cast out, but please don't squeeze the shaman!

Sure, if you want to save a few bucks, you can go with a generic medicine man.

"I had a terrible time finding a doctor that still makes house calls!"

'Got anything for a headache?'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"His rain dance was less effective than he'd hoped."

'I don't suppose there's any chance of a 'professional discount'?'

'You don't get it, Wacenee, the gods being angry keeps us in business!'