Shakespearean Actor Pillows

"I knew Yorick also. He gave me diarrhea."

Shepherd and eurydice

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Bond James, Bond."

They hated me.

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

Showbiz Awards

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

A fairy with wand and crown in pink tutu

'They all want to play the star.'

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

'How are the ventriloquist lessons going?'

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Extreme miming"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Hamlet'

Shakespeare does stand-up comedy in the round.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"