Shake Skeptics Club Pillows

"He doesn't know the command 'shake.' He only knows 'gimme five.'"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"As usual, you're confusing your right to have an opinion with having your opinion respected."

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

Family Tree DNA Test

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

No atheists in Heaven.

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"It tells me if your bill is fake or not."

"Ned's a lot more fun to live with since he stopped believing ANYTHING he sees on the internet."

'Don't be a fool, Kevin! How do you know that he's a certified teaching pro?'

'How do I know you're legit?'

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

Your dire prediction in this space. 1-555-826-1000

What is an expert?

"My left elbow hurts...that means it's going to snow!"

Door-to-Door Agnostic

Ahmadinejad in New York.

'This is all just some political scare-tactic.'

Members of the National Nonconformist Society all have the same clothing on.

'I need a statement that I've been here for the past 15 minutes and read David Hume's An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.'

'You might think it's your roof, but it's really my yard.'

'You'll have to hang on a second, dear - I need to re-boot.'

"If telling the truth was easy everyone would be doing it."

'Sure, I can prove I'm a psychic! Pick a number between one and three!'

Fear of Abandonment Support Group

'Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night, will ever stop the US Postal Service...from raising rates.'

"He can't roll over, he sheds too much, he can't fetch. How can he be the Messiah?"

'I am simply saying that something is not right when your whole social life is online.'