Shake Skeptics Club Prints

"He doesn't know the command 'shake.' He only knows 'gimme five.'"

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"I wonder if management will believe my project?"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

"As usual, you're confusing your right to have an opinion with having your opinion respected."

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

No atheists in Heaven.

Family Tree DNA Test

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

"Ned's a lot more fun to live with since he stopped believing ANYTHING he sees on the internet."

"It tells me if your bill is fake or not."

'Don't be a fool, Kevin! How do you know that he's a certified teaching pro?'

'How do I know you're legit?'

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

Your dire prediction in this space. 1-555-826-1000

What is an expert?

"My left elbow hurts...that means it's going to snow!"

Ahmadinejad in New York.

'This is all just some political scare-tactic.'

Door-to-Door Agnostic

Members of the National Nonconformist Society all have the same clothing on.

'You'll have to hang on a second, dear - I need to re-boot.'

'You might think it's your roof, but it's really my yard.'

'I need a statement that I've been here for the past 15 minutes and read David Hume's An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding.'

"If telling the truth was easy everyone would be doing it."

'Sure, I can prove I'm a psychic! Pick a number between one and three!'

'Neither snow, nor rain, nor gloom of night, will ever stop the US Postal Service...from raising rates.'

'I am simply saying that something is not right when your whole social life is online.'

'...and I don't suppose there's anybody here who knew someone whose name began with Z who passed on recently?'

"He can't roll over, he sheds too much, he can't fetch. How can he be the Messiah?"