Shade Fixer Pillows

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Eggshell blue

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Cyber disease.

Will sneak through the woods and throw your ball back into the fairway.

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"Funny you should say that because it's the hair on your chinny, chin ,chin I'm here about"

"I had to improvise"

"That's not the real me."

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"I just got these new glasses from my ophthalmologist – they come with tiny windshield wipers to clean the fog from my mask!"

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'It's our last resort.'

Hospital. Emergency. Closed. I'm bleeding and the E.R. is closed, What should I do? Just go home? Suture self!

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

'Ah - you must be the Polish plumber.'

Stitches.

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.

"Bob, Bob, he's about to open the flyscreen door! It's our chance to get out of this place!"

Tailor Shop. Repairs. Alterations. You're a tailor who fixes torn pants?! When we met in the bar you said you were a genetic engineer! No, I said I do "jean splicing"!

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'