Shade Fixer Pillows

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Waiting for Pants

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

Eggshell blue

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

Cyber disease.

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

"Funny you should say that because it's the hair on your chinny, chin ,chin I'm here about"

"You were right, dear, slippers, shiny floor and a grouting gun don't mix."

"I had to improvise"

"That's not the real me."

"I just got these new glasses from my ophthalmologist – they come with tiny windshield wipers to clean the fog from my mask!"

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'Maybe you could get dressed faster if you lost that speed bump around your waist.'

'My neighbor hates to fix fence...'

'It's our last resort.'

The first sign of cowboy trouble.

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

"Bob, Bob, he's about to open the flyscreen door! It's our chance to get out of this place!"

Stitches.

'Ah - you must be the Polish plumber.'

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

Windscreen replacement