Shabbat T-Shirts

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"I'm sure this Shabbos meal is delicious but how can I taste it if I can't take a photo and post it instantly online?"

"I know it's a mitzvah to taste the Shabbos food, but you're supposed to actually leave some for Shabbos!"

"Wow kids! You made challahs! Great job!"

The Life Cycle of Cholent

Working Holiday

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

Ghostwriting the Bible

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

At the 2021 Religious Games

"I need to know who started it."

A surprise in heaven

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Ma, what does 'kosher' mean?"

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"I spy with my little eye…"

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"Seriously, I used to be the staff of a guy named Moses, man the stories I could tell..."

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'If you're omnipresent, why do I always have to climb way up here?'

'These sure rule out a lot of options....'

'Please take your receipt!'