Shabbat Celebrant Pillows

The Life Cycle of Cholent

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"We must rise up and claim our rightful place at the table of society! We must never rest until we are given the respect and dignity we deserve! Chica power!"

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

Did you find our menorah?

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

Louisiana Mask Mandate

"Trick or treat?"

Passover Plague

The wedding.

'You don't know why you're down here?... Aren't you the guy that invented the high five in sports?'

'We sell gifts for people to give to graduates they know.'

"Wow kids! You made challahs! Great job!"

"All I know is that some of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten have come from secular humanists."

St David's Day

"The day after Thanksgiving is a day of rest for cooks."

'Happy 138 B.C.!!'

"Well, it just so happens I do!"

Rabbit With Flower.

'New Year's Eve is definitely a time for reflection...and it's usually my face in the punch bowl.'

'He's not too swift with the rest of the commandments, but he does rest on Sundays.'

'Every Friday I tell you not to eat so much, but do you ever listen?'

Jewish Reindeer.

"Assigned to cloud nine! I haven't been there since I caught that twelve pound bass!"

The Year of the Tigger

"Really looks like they could use a miracle about now sir!"

"I'm sure this Shabbos meal is delicious but how can I taste it if I can't take a photo and post it instantly online?"

Burn's Night.

Social Distance Seder

Fire Marshall Chanukah

"I know it's a mitzvah to taste the Shabbos food, but you're supposed to actually leave some for Shabbos!"

Christmas cracker goes 'ping' instead of 'bang'.