Sexual Health Enthusiast Gifts

A couple sit in the waiting room of an STD Clinic and the man says to his partner - 'Well you can't say that I never give you anything!'

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

"Got any ribbed condoms? No, buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

Corona Funeral

'You know they've reached puberty when they're more interested in Dr. Ruth than Babe Ruth.'

'Every new year Gym membership goes up - for the Panto season.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'