Setlist Sampler Pillows

Eric Clapton.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Musical genres

"I want to set the world record for eating the most empanadas ever!"

Food samples in supermarket - 'There's a stick in mine.'

'English homework leaves a pleasant after taste. History takes like fast food. But math is a real bummer on my digestive tract.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

Eating raw cake mix.

NEW FALL LINEUP

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'I had a taste of my own medicine yesterday - Yuck!'

"I'm not mocking your song—I'm sampling it."

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

'Save or delete...decisions, decisions..it's just like being at work!'

Pioneers Of AviationOctober 21, 1913 Major C. Peter Barry Breaks The Scarf Barrier

"That's cute, but you'll never realize your phone's ringing in here if your ringtone's a belch."

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

'Well it was fine on the straight but when it hit the last curve the cartoonist lost his perspective!'

'Dinner will be ready soon - we're going to try sushi tonight.'

Midlife Madness

'Wait. Let me check the time. ... Yes! It's a new world record!'

"Install that, then uninstall that. Open that, then close that. Update that, then delete that. Run that program, then end that program..."

"I can sell you the caulk, but there's a waiting period for the gun."

" "I decided my life needs a soundtrack. So I programmed my phone to play specific tunes whenever certain people are nearby."