Session Satirist Gifts

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

'Let me know when you find it difficult to speak.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

'He takes his organization chart seriously.'

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

The little engine that delegated

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

"...and in conclusion..."

Inhospitality tent.

'I've been to better motivational seminars.'

Boring Board Meeting

'Secondhand smoke.'

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Well of COURSE it's mostly gobble-dee-gook! Were you expecting something different?"

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

"All the better to ignore you with."