Service Story Fans Pillows

'My escargot has escargone.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

The Waiter

An argument between a passenger and a train porter.

CIA, NOW HIRING, 'My resume? - I memorized it and burned it.'

'Hi, my name's Mandy and I'll be your culturally inappropriate annoyance this evening.'

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"How is it you can commit to world class service but not to me?"

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

"Thanks for waiting."

"I know it's hard to shift gears coming here from your day job as an editor, but the customers don’t like their drinks watered down."

'We're well known for serving only the freshest mineral water, Madame.'

'Breaker Morant would have been proved innocent if he hadn't shot the people needed for his defence.'

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Waiter on a horse.

'You mean you want good communication and competent service?'

"I loved the part when you said I was a 'valued customer'. Do it again!"

Coffee shop request for tea in china cup.

A midwife and a waiter pass through a set of double doors.

"Is he still there?"

"Wait a minute - these are just the Ten Commandments of great customer service."

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

'We have to build an ark -- We're in for a MAJOR downsizing.'

'Relax, lady, I'm out of the baby business. Now I work for UPS.

'I appreciate your enthusiasm in serving me but I never tip more than 15 percent.'

Git It 'N' Git

"Check your oil? Empty your astray? Wipe your nose? Kiss youfeet?..."

"Yes Mr Wilkins, we do provide a comprehensive 24 hours service but I'm afraid that doesn't include a cashpoint facility."

Maid

'I want to complain to the manager.' - 'Sorry sir, he's out at lunch.'