Service Station Humorist Pillows

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"And I get a really, really tall straw?"

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Not more sleeve alterations?!"

Waiter' You betta stop that food fight, you SILLY fools! Here comes the Maitre D' !'

'Flowers? From a garage? You're a darling!'

'We'll get our food....eventually.'

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Nap time."

"Let me take that for you."

'Remember Jones, the customer is always right, no matter how stupid and ignorant he may be.'

'We've found the problem...'

"Waiter!"

"I'd like to leave a wake up call for, . ... OHH ..., April."

"I hope you're not expecting a tip."

No Hand Signals

Lucky car.

"If you can read this, tell me if I need to hike up my pants."

"What's this I hear about you opening an account at another bank?"

"I hope they offer same day service."

'Would you please stop reading over my shoulder!'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

'A table near a waiter please.'

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

'I'm giving mostly gift certificates this year, so I wrap them with junk from the garage to throw people off track.'

"911? My husband's unresponsive."

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'Your tip just went down substantially!'

When parcel delivery guys retrain to become waiters....

"You ordered tea sir? This is a luxury hotel so I've not only poured it for you and brought it to your room, but I'm now going to drink it for you."

"Faux wood grain towel dispensers, matching toilet plunbers, herb scented urinal cakes, where's it all end, Stan?"

"Good evening, folks. My name is Leonard, and I hold all the cards."

'Would you care for a drink while you're being ignored?'

The poop scooper maid.

"Your German spark plugs won't work in your mini cooper because of Brexit."